Wednesday, October 9, 2013
This is a rather curious concept that few seem to get. People often say they are looking for a win-win solution, when in reality, they are usually posturing, postulating, or going for the whole pie, not just their fair piece of it. Arguing from the same side requires a strong basis of mutual trust, a strong sense of “we know with absolute certainty that we will get through this, even though the path is still unclear”, and strong communication skills, while listening as well as articulating.
Begin a hairy discussion by asserting vocally “we are arguing from the same side and are here to find a solution”. That little mental trick primes the brain to problem solve collaboratively, avoiding blame and ego battles. If the other person is listening autobiographically, or already has a different agenda, remind them through the course of the discussion “we are arguing from the same side”.
Lastly, some people will be unreasonable no matter how hard you try, and are fundamentally incapable of giving and receiving trust in the particular context you are discussing. You may try to figure out the reasons for their behavior (insecurity, pressure from peers, bosses, parents), and try to address those root causes. However, remember the “Time Dollars Energy Emotion” equation (http://blog.brainie.st/post/36802429817/time-dollars-energy-and-emotion-the-e-mc2-of). You cannot make win-win with everyone, in that cause use this equation to decide when to walk away, from a job, a deal, a relationship, or a friend.